Damned with the faintest of faint praise
Tatemae and honne are often the bane of a foreigner's life in Japan. Working out what a person really means or really feels can be an excruciating, and often fruitless, experience. Often, it really isn't worth the bother.
If you didn't click the link above, basically tatemae is "what is said", whereas honne is "what is intended." Tatemae is sugar-coated candy, sweet untruths - or little white lies, if you prefer. Honne is the bitter pill, or the cold, hard facts. Honne can be the words that cut you to the quick.
These two concepts are often portrayed as uniquely Japanese, but of course they're not. They occur extensively around the world in varying degrees. The English are pretty good at softening the blow with little white lies, but perhaps even better at cutting to the quick. Tatemae is to honne what an English "you haven't changed a bit" is to a sotto voce "God, hasn't he aged!"; or "I've had a lovely evening" is to Groucho Marx's pithy "... but this wasn't it."
This tatemae honne dichotomy sprang to mind when I read a marvellous end of term email assignment from a student. It made me reach for my "English Dictionary of Japanese Ways of Thinking" (not for the faint-hearted). It says this about these "Japanese ways":
"Much to the dismay of Westerners ... the Japanese use these two forms of communication and occasionally switch from tatemae to honne, or vice versa, depending on the context of the situation. Therefore, skilled negotiators are expected to determine, by the tone of voice and other nonverbal clues, the depth and subtlety of the other party's intentions."
I'm not sure if my student was employing honne, tatemae, or a mixture of both. "Depth" possibly, but "subtlety"? Surely not.
These are the wonderful words in the closing message of his mail:
This lesson was very simply awful, but interesting.
Best wishes,
Kenji
If you didn't click the link above, basically tatemae is "what is said", whereas honne is "what is intended." Tatemae is sugar-coated candy, sweet untruths - or little white lies, if you prefer. Honne is the bitter pill, or the cold, hard facts. Honne can be the words that cut you to the quick.
These two concepts are often portrayed as uniquely Japanese, but of course they're not. They occur extensively around the world in varying degrees. The English are pretty good at softening the blow with little white lies, but perhaps even better at cutting to the quick. Tatemae is to honne what an English "you haven't changed a bit" is to a sotto voce "God, hasn't he aged!"; or "I've had a lovely evening" is to Groucho Marx's pithy "... but this wasn't it."
This tatemae honne dichotomy sprang to mind when I read a marvellous end of term email assignment from a student. It made me reach for my "English Dictionary of Japanese Ways of Thinking" (not for the faint-hearted). It says this about these "Japanese ways":
"Much to the dismay of Westerners ... the Japanese use these two forms of communication and occasionally switch from tatemae to honne, or vice versa, depending on the context of the situation. Therefore, skilled negotiators are expected to determine, by the tone of voice and other nonverbal clues, the depth and subtlety of the other party's intentions."
I'm not sure if my student was employing honne, tatemae, or a mixture of both. "Depth" possibly, but "subtlety"? Surely not.
These are the wonderful words in the closing message of his mail:
This lesson was very simply awful, but interesting.
Best wishes,
Kenji
posted by jh at 1.2.06
4 Comments:
Hmmm, apparently I don't merit tatemae from my students. I usually just get "kimoi!" right between the eyes.
I wonder what's better "really awful, but very interesting" or "really interesting, but awful"?
Or what was it that the blonde bombshell in the Dick Emery Show used to say, "you are awful, but I DO like you!".
Maethelwine - Not sure if "kimoi!" is better or worse than "guroi!" which I got once after a couple of days without shaving.
I never had the cheek to say, "Whoaaa! Grotesque!" directly to any of my teachers.
Reallyrotten you must have had worse in your time, surely.
jb - The Dick Emery Show! This proves you are actually older than you look.
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